Come out of Money Hiding

Clients often say to me that they want a more “adult” relationship with money. Many have been hiding from their money reality for years, avoiding looking at statements, overdrafting accounts, having no clue how much of their paychecks go to retirement and more.  I can COMPLETELY relate to this.

The roots of my money avoidance started when I was younger. When I was in high school, my parents got divorced, and my father took on a CEO job shortly after. He quickly grew his wealth, which he liked to spend conspicuously with his new wife and young children. My mom still held onto the middle class values she had been raised with, and disapproved of lavish spending. I distinctly remember going to my dad's house for holidays and getting lots of expensive presents - none of which my sister or I wanted. I would hide the presents in the trunk of my car so my mom wouldn't have to see them. We'd go around to our friend's houses and secretly give them away. 

I remember lots of feelings associated with those memories - shame most of all, the hidden presents in the trunk a tangible representation of how much I wanted to shut away the whole situation. I felt confused, not understanding why my dad would have changed so much, and why he was so far apart in his treatment of money from my mom. There was a general "yucky" feeling around the presents, which felt like my dad's attempt to make up for leaving my mom and us.

It did help clarify my own values, like not wanting to chase money or status symbols. I don't let money drive my decisions, and I am discerning in how I spend my money. I have also seen how corrosive money can be within relationships and families, which is maybe partly why I'm drawn to helping others work these issues as a career! I prioritize having hard discussions about money with my partner. 

Of course, all of that clarity came after years of being in my own freeze state around money. I continued hiding my money issues in the trunk, so to speak. Bills would go unopened, spending unexamined, income not measured for years until I built up the confidence and desire to have a more "adult", or open-eyed relationship with money.

Coming out of hiding

Moving out of hiding can be a long process, but the first step is having the courage to name your fears (first to yourself!), and ideally sharing your money feelings with someone else. Can you slow down enough to acknowledge the issue and see what’s coming up internally? Even more advanced - can you name your fears, but not let them drive you into shame? Know that you are far from alone in not wanting to look at your numbers, and that there is a way through.

Want to move out of shame, fear and confusion around your money? Reach out for a judgment-free space to work through your money.